This week’s key is focusing on another key in my life – tantra. I just arrived from a weekend Summer Tantradate event. I share some thoughts, experiences and stories what tantra has given me in my life and hopefully inspire you to use it as a tool in turning your life into an heaven on Earth.
My very first tantra experience was a very small tantra book about Osho, which tells the short history of tantra, a technique as old as 5000 years and more. It says it is something which helps to melt together the poison and the heaven inside of us.
After done tantra now for the last 6 years, I can tell for me – tantra is a lifestyle!
Being present and sink into it and then let the masculine and feminine unite itself inside of you. For me it is also expansion inside out. Tantra is not only in one session or ritual – you can turn your whole life into a celebration and meditation just by consciousness.
I never got to the practical part of it until one day I travelled from Norway to Estonia and in the plane read a story about Zegg ecovillage and their 10 days summer camp. I showed up 2 weeks later. The program was exciting and transforming. I met a tantra master Lokiano and we did a trade session. He gave me my first tantra massage and after this massage I could not stand up and walk, as I was so deeply relaxed. I thought that must be something really good for me and my future as I was a real macho woman at that time and could not really relax and be soft and feminine.
9 months later we organised our first tantra class in Estonia. It was early spring in 2009, where we were one of the first ones to announce publicly that we are going to do a tantra course, where some of the massages will happen naked. That was quite a brave thing to do, as Estonia was newly free and independent and nakedness was strongly prohibited during the Soviet time.
The first course went very well. We had 8 participants and everyone lightened up and liked it. After that I helped to organise monthly tantra classes and courses, later with new teachers Niten and Santoshi. Almost 3 years with tantra was not only helping me to grow into a real woman, but it gave me my daily bread as well made me more of a conscious and mature woman.
Life brought many changes to my plate and I had to move and give away my beautiful studio. After that I have been the new time vagabond, travelling the world, taking more courses and classes in different kind of self development topics as well continuing my work with groups and individuals internationally.
In 2013 I felt I was completely lost and travelled to Mexico to take another course and find myself. I was mainly based in west Mexico. I started to go into the ocean and started to play with everything I know from different therapies. Step by step Wantra, my water modality was born. It is the marriage of water and tantra. It had different parts – the individual session under the water and above the water as well the individual moves session as well couples session and group session. It has so many facets and ways to approach the human being and reconstruct and heal and reactivate the whole system.
More and more I tried it, more and more people got benefits from it – who got rid of the neck pain, who fulfilled a long dream, who changed his business situation and living conditions etc. Peoples lives changed. I was amazed how it opened my doors and helped to start to live more of my dream as well bring a new value and growth to people’s life’s.
This weekend’s tantra date event was so amazing. I was not so sure how it will turn out. I have had some really negative experiences with groups trying to cooperate together or excluding me. Even though tantra has helped me to heal a lot of wounds, it has also sometimes created new ones. It has taken long time to heal them.
These wounds were created, because I did not have enough information or wisdom how to deal with different situations. I did not know how to stand up for myself without feeling bad.
During one of the tantra classes with Niten and Santoshi we learned how to say no. It was one of the crucial points. I think if small girls would be taught how to say no, there would be less problems, especially for rapes as such. Girls at the age of 4 or 5.
During this last weekend I managed to heal so many facets of my tantra history and even though we talk about only ca 14 hours.
I had the intent to heal the inner masculine and feminine. I did. How? Through all these people and rituals and sessions we did, as well private meetings. You can meditate how much you want, but to get into the core of the problem, the easiest and fastest shortcut is to face things in reality, in the dance with people. Everyone triggers something in us to come up and face us. If we run away, it will continue to chase after us.
From my childhood I have many wounds where I was left out, left behind or not included to activities, groups or happenings. Here I was included in a very sweet way, every step of the way.
That is what I have learned from tantra – most people yearn for being included, heard, taken as they are without judgments. This could not happen before I started to include myself into different topics, projects and people. The world is really like a mirror – what you have inside, reflects outside. Tantra has helped me to understand that.
Once again I learned to let go and trust the masculine to show me the way. After being blindfolded for many hours, all the senses got more activated and every step helped me deeper into myself.
To have the most biggest effect in healing the topics which are hidden deep inside, we need to have the right ingredients. Almost like in the soup – if the spices are too much or the essence is not quite right, so is the result. When everything comes together – then everything heals and almost instantly – sometimes in the split second. I as a woman who always does thousands of things and controls basically everything in her universe, has sometimes problems to let go and just flow and follow. It was such a bliss to do that!
To be continued next week…
I am Crystal Ra Laksmi. I am a tantra shakti and goddess, who is connected to her power. It took me almost 30 years to get so far to say it out loud without fear. The difference is that I truly feel I am landing into the queendom energy of me.
During the tantra summer date I got a lot of verbal feedback how people perceived me and it was pretty cool. The main thing what many said was that: ‘Wow Crystal you are so much more feminine! You are amazing!’ It is sweet, but what is sweeter is that one of them said: ‘I enjoyed seeing that you are a friend with yourself and you are so connected to your power and not running from it any more.’ The sweetest of all was that I could receive it all and feel that my self love path has been leading me to the right path. I feel like walking with my crown on the top of my head and I put it there to keep my posture right and live it. I feel supported and loved every step of the way – the way queens should feel!
If you are in trouble with your life in general or especially with sexual or relationship issues, pls do not hesitate to book a skype session with me, or a personal one in Europe, while I am here. Contact me personally here: