Photo credit : Ray Collins

This week I was prepared to share one other post, but things happened and as the next week is the week of ascension I share this freshly born piece. It is a bit different than usual, but I hope it touches all of your hearts who you have experienced it or are in the process right now and hopefully it inspires you all to make your next step towards your new sunrise…

It is the week of ascension. Seems that is a true ascension for me as well. It was not planned. It just happened. To rise up through the valley of pain and ascend into my own higher self and spirit and heart – to become who I am here really to be – an awesome queen – to be loved and cherished and admired the way I fully deserve.

In order this to happen many small deaths had to happen. Deaths of promises, or hopes. Deaths of silence and emotions. Deaths of futures and possibilities. They all stop. Their time is done. Sometimes it feels to me that the journey to that moment was as well not knowing what I was doing.

This is the dive through the unknown, which is the realm of the heart and spirit. It is unpredictable, non linear and goes wherever its wings take it. It is not easy to surrender it and keep telling myself – everything will be all right. Well, it can be, but before that a transformation may happen.

Today is one of these days which I always try to avoid – a day when I have my emotional tsunami coming over me. I am all in the washing machine of my heart’s ocean. Trying to come up to the surface and I know in order to get back up alive I need to just relax, let go, and hold my breath and eventually I will come up to the surface and hopefully I can move away from the wave’s breaking point. It is interesting that I saw the breaking point in front of me and still I was surfing right into it. What is it? Stupidity or just the love for challenge – I keep asking myself every time it happens.

These tsunamis are hard, especially when these are big and powerful and take a lot out of you. For me whatever way I try, it seems to happen to me recently once a year. It is my inner heart ocean where I always promise not to give my lead away, and then it slips and I do things against myself and divorcing myself which always ends up with a big disaster.

In the past when that happened it felt I really amputated these people out of my life in every possible way – from FB friends to emails to mobile numbers. This time I am giving myself a challenge to learn how to detach with love. It is very hard. The broken heart is into pieces and wants the revenge. It does want to cause pain to the other side. It does not want to detach with love.

What may help in this situation is to have a conscious man in your life who can hold space, be your anchor so to say – to keep you in one place while you move in all possible directions. To hold and behold and let the emotions flow out in words, moves and actions. Whether it is a pillow fight or talking, crying or just shaking the body, it does not matter. What is important is that you do it in a safe place and you are not judged for it. You are embraced with everything you have and have not.

In these situations when I come out of the emotional roller coaster ocean, I am completely exhausted. What I have noticed helps me then is that someone could stroke me with words – something positive or make me some pancakes, which I have not had for more than a year or call for a fun event or do something so completely focused that I forget about it all.

The mind is connected to the pain body and wants more – it wants more pain. It still goes back to the event to look for more material, for more oil to be poured into the fire. Then it is my time to step on the plate and say – enough is enough!! Lets detach with love and do not amputate this time!!!

The pain body who had turned into a monster turns around and humbly surrenders when I take my magical wand and walk towards the new sunrise. Giving myself a new promise – never divorce myself again …

I am Crystal Ra Laksmi – emotional life artist. Maybe the pain is also my ink and giving birth to my stories? Maybe it is time for me to accept that and walk towards the new beginning with the courage, which is full of more clarity, joy and expansion and being carried on the hands…

Here is the video which matches with the theme.