This past week gave me another opportunity to experience insecurity. Insecurity with my water therapy work. I have worked with people in the water for 7 years now. These have mostly been adults or teenagers. I never feel insecure in the water work, as I know my stuff and I am very professional and very experienced.

This time the opportunity appeared to work with a 1 year and 8 months old baby. I had never worked with the baby in the water before and I had never worked with a rich man’s baby in the water. I learned so much from this experience and I will bring it all together into writing after sharing my story.

This post is written for the ISWG group. Read more about them here: 

I understood that my mistake was not to state clearly what did her father want me to do with her. That is a huge mistake – as if you do not state the intention clearly in the beginning – the whole operation is already destined to failure. I guess the same with writing projects. 

The kid did not  feel very safe with me, and needed to build up trust. The first day I could play with her for like 15 minutes without anyone in the pool with her. Later her dad came and it kind of turned out funny. Me just hanging around and looking what they do. I felt so intimidated – firstly because I was with so wealthy people and did not want to do anything wrong. But at the same time, I had also asked quite a high price for my services – as what they are worth if I can do my work properly.

This baby is a different baby than the one in the story and from a friend’s photo collection K.Wallin. The photo is illustrative.

Second day the dad came in the water and we had a very good class, we could do different things and moves and the girl was almost ok to be alone with me, but the dad ruined it by still not leaving. So the third time came and I was basically walking on the side of the pool with the dad. I did not want to be too pushy and I tried to get her into the water, but she did not come without her dad. Finally her dad came in and then again he did not really want to do much.

When the payment time came, he was not very happy to pay the full price for that session. I said the deal is the deal. He paid a bit less and promised to pay the rest next time.

Next time he came 15 minutes late, gave half of the sessions money and the rest from last time and cancelled the session. Saying the kid did not feel good and he will check in about the rest of the sessions. I knew at that moment that there will be no more sessions.

What did I learn from that experience?

That me as the therapist must be the boss of the session no matter how healthy the client is. It was my own insecurity which put me into the situation. I also understood that I should have asked a full intention description and also stated how I work.

We should have worked with the kid couple of more times together in the water and then I could do the session completely alone – without the dad’s presence. I understood that the dad was hoping to get rid of the kid for an hour and get his own time, while using me as a ‘babysitter’ maybe.

Now I was not given any chance to really show what I can do and what it would be for the kid to fully experience water without the floats. I could have done the full program, and even bought some more stuff for her, but I had no chance, because of my insecurity. The whole project and the opportunity to use my talents and skills to benefit the girl could not be shared because of my own insecurity.

The same with me and writing. I think till this day I can not believe it is possible to earn big money with writing and become someone important and special. People write books which will be turned into movies. Sometimes these are actually not even good.

I have written many masterpieces as in articles, but my book manuscprits and these are still sitting in my drawer. True, I started to work with one and I have read several books recently how to write a bestseller and it seems to have so many rules and regulations that it just pushes me back into my safe corner and cave, where I over read the manuscript hundreds of times, but do not get it out there.

I know that this year is the new year and I will break through that cycle. Yesterday my sister shared with me that in the morning she put the affirmation and intention out there that 3 people will come and check the apartment she intended to sell. Later this day they all cancelled. Then she changed her intention – she said – a person who is a real interested buyer will call and come and see it. And boom! It happened. Now she will sell it and get another little profit from it.

So I guess what I start with is that this year I pull it out and these coming 2 months work with it so that by the 1^st of June I am ready to hand it to the editors. By the latest of this Christmas I will publish it no matter what. I will have all the support, guidance and also abundance for it.

Because I choose it and deserve it. I am on the mission to share my talents and gifts and let no one and nothing intimidate me into my safety corner any more.

I am very grateful for this little girl for the wonderful lesson she taught me. I just wish I could have shared the gifts with her dad or mom so they would have felt what I have in me. Next time I know. I firstly offer it to them and then we start to work with the kid.

It is true. There are no bad experiences, just experiences and lessons which teach us how to improve and do things better.

Thanks to this little girl I will show now my insecurity who is the boss and take the lead. So be it.

I am Crystal Ra Laksmi, an ocean child. I only recently discovered my deep water love.  Now me and water are inseparable. I can not imagine my life without the ocean or the water. If I go 2-3 weeks without water I would feel like a mermaid on land – dry and frustrated.

For me water is life and water is also my livelihood. I wish to do more and be more in the water and for the water and guide the people who have water fear back home to the safety of water in their own being. Water can expand, liberate and bring you to heaven and my Wantra is your ticket to the liquid heaven…  Welcome!

Share with me your story of insecurity and how you conquered it.

Thank you for reading my blog:)

With aloha Crystal Ra