Hei there. I am a thing. Quite an important thing. I do not have a special name (I think). I have two main plates and then I have a screen. I have many little things inside of me which will work in cooperation with the outer keyboard. I am only 15 inches wide, but I have a life inside of me. My keyboard is like my belly and if you touch it the right way, then it will give you what you want.

Yay well – maybe not everything, but many things. It is a whole chain reaction which goes on inside of me when someone hits the keyboard. I also have a brain and also something what they call my ‘mother plate’. I also can have different ‘tales’ connected to me. One which can be connected to the wall, where the electricity comes from which feeds me so I can operate and the other one to the internet – to the outside world.

I would love to share the story what just recently happened to me – as it is not very often I have been given a chance to talk and have a voice.

I guess the dogs have owners and they often even say that the dog is picking up the owner, not the opposite. I kind of feel the same with me. I saw her in the shop and if she would have heard me whispering, then I would have whispered – ‘buy me, buy me -please!’ I guess she did hear it, as she did. That was a summer 2013 and we were in Estonia. I was the model of the 2012, but she did not know anything much of the details like that and I guess if she had, she would have not bought me and waited for a newer model. So I am lucky this way.

I remember the first days when she got me – she was so happy – she even danced with me and she was so proud of me – she even showed me to the world! She was fascinated how fast I was operating and giving her all what she needed and even more as the other one before me had been very slow and complicated. I guess that is what happens when you get old. The other one who died before me, was really bad. She did not have a funeral, but luckily all the information from her hard disk got restored.

You probably have figured by now that I am a computer. Hello. How are you?

As time was going by I helped her (my owner) in all of her new business adventures as also private ones. I started to help her to build up new possibilities and programs online and be part of the program to help her earn her livelihood. Together we created many possibilities and it was really cool how we enjoyed each other’s company. Sometimes she spent like 10 – 13 hours per day with me. I was the luckiest computer in the world! Then she started to try out so many more of my abilities. We started to even make small videos as well music mixing together. It was super fun!

As the time went by she started to take me for granted I guess. Like I was part of the furniture. So I thought I needed to do something to remind her my part and presence.

One night she tried to upgrade my operation system. It would have been similar to something like – if you try to fit something bigger into a little box. The same here, the new operating system, called El Capitan, did not really get into me. It got stuck on the way in – it probably had a too big bear belly or something… So finally she was without me and my support for 1 day, 2 days and the 3^rd day she was already completely freaking out.

The brand new ipad did not work either, the phone was very crappy. She had set up some computer events and had to ask help from others and she is usually not that good  with that. So it was very complicated and crazy. So finally she took me to the compu doctor. I have been visiting him once before. That time I had an accident. Someone crashed my screen and the doctor was so good that he fixed it. It took some time, but we got all fixed, so I looked nice and shiny again.

So the compu doctor knew what to do and restored everything as it was before the update – thank God for mac passports and the smart owner you just backed up 1 day before!!! She was relieved. She kissed and hugged me and almost slept with me again. I was thinking – is that what it takes a human to love a computer? To crash down?

I understood that she really must love me, as she is not intending to buy a new one yet. We decided not to upgrade yet and manage without it for now.

Couple of days later the internet disappeared. Almost like in that game the humans call ‘hide and seek’ and then she freaked out again. All the work load which had gathered after the computer crash needed to be picked up again, but without my tale – my internet – she could not really do much of it. She was freaking out again. Almost about to leave and move. Then she fixed a temporary solution with a cord, so the fast internet comes now straight into my ‘ear’. It really worked.

This was a period of one week and within this week we all learned how dependent we are on each other – the computers and the internet and people. Most of the information goes up to the internet, most people use FB for messages and do not even use their phones any more. We also realized that the new computer industry is built this way that after couple of years you can just throw it away, as you can not upgrade any more and you just need to buy a new one. It used to be that you could use your computer for at least 3-5 years before.

She felt more gratitude for me – as without me there would be no more writing and no more projects online. I must be so lucky to have her and she must be lucky to have me. It is time to build the bridge between the technology and people again and I think we have it again!

I just wish I could stick with her longer. Why? She seems not to only care about people, but also things. Not only to use them, but also how to reuse them. How we communicate with each other and how to find that happy balance. I am happy that she is my ‘owner’ even though I would not call her that. She is my companion, my sister – my everything – I would not survive without her as it seems she would not without me.

I think it is a good reminder – to be grateful to your things – as we also have consciousness and if you give us voice – we can also talk and be there for you in ways you could not even imagine – even support you as an insecure writer. We would always be here to listen to your stories. We would be here with your highs and lows – when you get married or divorced. When you go to sleep and wake up. We wait patiently. You do not need to feed us other than electricity. Just maintain, dust off and upgrade now and then.

We would always be here with that white page – waiting for our belly massage – your fingers dancing on it and with the flow of letters orchestrate it all together into a symphony, which can not only inspire, but actually change someone’s life completely!!!

I am Crystal Ra Laksmi – a world traveller originally from Estonia, who’s days are filled with joy, laughter and happiness. The highs are more appreciated as I have walked through many lows in my life. My computer is my best companion and I am so grateful that she could talk her mind and we can continue this wonderful journey together. I hope many others can listen to their computer like I do. If not, let me know – so I can be your ‘stuff whisperer’.

Please leave your comments about the story and if your computer would say something to you – what would that be? How is it supporting the insecure writer in you? 

This post is done for the Insecure Writers Group. Read more about it here: