AUGUST 3RD QUESTION: What was your very first piece of writing as an aspiring writer? Where is it now? Collecting dust or has it been published?
It is very hard to remember, but I think it was one of my poems, which I sent to a poem’s competition and I won a little prize and it got published in the little poem collection. If I remember correct the poem was about love. It was quite a huge thing for me as my family did not think much of my writing or anything I did. I was so hungry for feedback that this prize gave me a bit more self-confidence. I was a daughter to two alcoholics, grew up with my grandmother, who was very strict and not very kind with positive affirmations about who I was or what I did. I grew up with quite a low self esteem and self confidence.
During the last two weeks I have travelled back to my home country Estonia, where I have met my family, many of my relatives and did two family constellations sessions to understand what is stopping me to fully use all my talents while back in my home country. I have travelled and lived abroad by now around 13 years. When I left last time in 2011, I left with pain in my heart. Many things have been very hard. I have tried to figure out the answers and possibilities. Many of my talents have been hidden or not really been shared the way it could be shared.
During the constellation what came out was that I turned my back to a lot of energy, support from my ancestors and possibilities, because some people hurt me so bad and I blocked it so strongly. I turned my face towards the past and hugged it and opened the doors, which were closed. During the first days after that I got many deep insights in addition also the energy started to flow and not only, also the inspiration, the guidance for the future as well abundance in many forms and many women contacted me to ask to collaborate with me;) Wow. Usually I have been the target for their jealous words and energy.
I just finished the facilitation of the 2,5 days women empowerment course for 17 women. By the end of the course all of their eyes were shining, their eyes were filled with tears and one of them came and said to me – Oh Crystal, I am so happy. One said her life has changed. One of them managed to face the water fear which had been with her for the last 50 something years.
Then I decided I am going to write about it. I am going to write about it even if it is just for me. What we did and what insights did I get. I will relive the whole event to record and also understand how I have gone through the change from the insecure woman to a confident and self sustainable woman who lives her dream. I understood that one of the reasons is to fully receive and accept your past, even if it has hurt you. Hurt actually helps us to grow faster. Pain can be the fuel to change and become the change for the world as well.
So from now on I welcome the change and take every challenge as an opportunity to become a better person and live even more of the dream I am here to live.
I am Crystal Ra Laksmi. A travelling gypsy checking out my roots in Estonia right now. It has been an amazing journey. Never boring and filled with many different insights, meetings and discoveries. I feel I grow, I heal and expand every moment being here. Yesterday I met 2 powerful female writers and I am getting really activated about the idea to finally get one of my books between the covers in Estonian soon. They inspire me so much! I am thrilled about ideas for the future possibilities with the female powers!
This post is written for the ISWG group. Read more about them here:
If you want to inspire yourself as a writer and download a lot of inspiration from the Hawaiian nature adventure as well boost your self confidence, sing up for my Hawaii retreat in the future! Read more here:
You are such a wise soul, Crystal. Thank you for inspiring me. I am thrilled for you. Yes, do write. Pour it all out. I know it will be wonderful. And maybe one day you can share it with others.
Sorry I’m late. My blogroll doesn’t work very well and it didn’t show your new posts. I’ll just keeping checking back manually.
Happy IWSG Day. Miss you!
Thank you and miss you too! I just met couple of power writers and I am so thrilled. I feel things are guiding me to the right direction and I am going to make my steps to get things rolling with my book stuff too. 😉 I hope you enjoy your summer and we meet again soon in Mexico;)
What a lovely thing, to have won an award on your very first piece! I’m glad it could be a stepping stone for you to finding out more about where you came from, and what your roots were really like, rather than the twisted stunted ones from your youth.
Thanks so much Nicohle. It is amazing how everything is about the point of view. I am choosing a more conscious one now. It has changed my life;)
You won an award for your very first piece of writing? That’s amazing! Congratulations! It’s something to be proud of.
Thank you for this inspiring post, Crystal! 🙂
Thank you Michelle;) Very sweet of you. Yes it was quite something. I figured in many ways most people do not take creativity very seriously. But there are many who have created amazing shifts and changes and influences by their books or movies. I feel I would like to be that person too. Even if on the smaller scale;)
I agree. Pain is a motivator for change. We are always growing or shrinking, and it’s up to us to use the circumstances in our lives to springboard into a positive future, eh?
Thanks Crystal. It is so true. I have even got more gifts from my past than I could imagine. Most people when they have experienced pain, turn their backs to the past, but there is so much more we can get from it. For me it almost feels like it is a person who would love to contribute;)
What an experience. Most wouldn’t be willing to go back and face such a painful past. Do write about it as that will continue the healing process.
Crystal, I found you through the IWSG. Sounds like you are getting a lot of inspiration and encouragement by researching your past, to help you move forward with your future. Keep up the good work! Have a great weekend. I’m #256 on the list, In my own words
Glad to hear about positive aspects of the empowerment for women experience. Sounds like a great thing to record and reflect upon.
Thank you Tamara, yes indeed;) Going to work on it;)