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I gifted myself a whole weekend of systems and organization as well family constellation work with Fransesca Mason Boring in a beautiful eco Volcano Retreat center Akuaha run by Darshan Mendoza here on the Big Island of Hawaii. It was a wonderful weekend which also inspired me in so many ways. 

Being so close to the epicenter of the bubbling lava has been powerful. I am a very sensitive person and the energy feels very different here compared to the energy in Kailua-Kona. Everything seems amplified and multiplied here. The energy is very potent. Yesterday Darshan shared with me that Pele can not light the fire herself, she needs the support by the God Lono. Which is really interesting – for me it is the confirmation about my perception or viewpoint that we need two balanced forces in order to manifest in our lives – the masculine and the feminine.

One of the reasons I love Hawaii is that all the four elements are so alive here 24/7 and 12 months a year. Fire represented by the Lava goddess Pele by her continuous flowing lava. Earth represented by the two big mountains – Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa – standing next to each other as the representatives of the masculine and the feminine. The soil is so rich and weaved with the volcanic minerals and there are hundreds of different types of fruits growing here and the world famous Kona coffee grows on the island. The land is so fertile and so potent here not only because of the minerals but also because of the energy. Air element is represented by the height of the Mauna Kea and the constant blowing trade winds.

Mauna Kea plays a very important role in the native Hawaiian culture and is one of the most sacred spots on the Big Island. Water is represented by the Pacific Ocean we are surrounded here by as well all the waterfalls and rivers as well the lush nature which represents the feminine. When you visit this island or live here – you can not run from the elements, they are like people or persons – very present at all times. When you go to the nature here you should always be well prepared though as you may have sudden rain, fog or whatever to appear. One nature walk here is very fulfilling and can feed your for weeks and months. One ocean swim can fill you up for months if you do it consciously.

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Invitation to meet my ancestors again

I participated in several family constellation stories before, but I had never done a whole weekend with this work. During the first day I had a chance to step in to the Circle and see one of my business ideas in the picture. I love this work developed by  Bert Hellinger who observed Zulu people and their communal circle work.

For me this work is like helping the unconscious patterns come up to the surface and become visible which brings us insights where our lives and systems are stuck and how to go about it.

Francesca Mason Boring, bi-cultural author, international facilitator and trainer, is an enrolled member of the Shoshone Nation and a graduate of Washington State University. Francesca has facilitated Family & Human Systems Constellation as Ceremony. She has attended workshops/trainings of numerous Masters of the Family & Human Systems Constellation Method, including: Bert Hellinger, Hunter Beaumont, Gunthard Weber, Sneh Victoria Schnabel, and others, both in the United States and Germany.
Francesca facilitates Family & Human Systems Constellation as transformational work. Although Family Constellation may be therapeutic, this indigenous woman does not present it as therapy. Francesca serves to escort persons who are interested in systemic healing for their immediate family, family of origin, or organization. She describes this method as ” one of the most profoundly beautiful healing paths that can be taken. This work, for me, is an extension of ceremony, a road of indigenous healing.”

It was so funny that when I entered the retreat room I tried to sit away from the teacher as far as I could, but came out that she was actually going to sit  right next to me. I felt quite uncomfortable to sit that close to her at first- as I thought only very important people should do that. I wondered why this happened and if I would need to move. I think what happened was that my spirit wanted to really see what is going on and wanted to be the first one on the ‘hot seat’. Our subconscious is very smart. Most people just do not really listen to it. I was not the first one on the seat, but the second one.

Francesca is a true master – she knows how to hold space, what to ask and how and how to walk people through their pain and trauma. I managed to get couple of experiences in Estonia with constellations and these were very different.

I think the person who is facilitating the constellation needs to really be in connection with the ancestral field and knowledge with those who are in the process and be humble about it as well very sensitive. She is a true master with this work and I truly honored her way to work with it. It was also much softer and very present, but also very firm and knew the right ways to go about it, so that when you left the circle you felt different.

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After the first day of the retreat I decided to go and walk the Kilauea Iki trail the next morning – located only 7 minutes drive from the retreat center. It felt like my ancestors were there and wanted to have some private time with me and help me to process my stories.

In order to be able to do it before the class I had to wake up at 5.30 am. I was in my car at 5.55 am ready and set. When I started to walk, it was still dark and the fog was resting in the bottom of the old lava lake. It was kind of scary and I even thought if that is a good idea. But I sent a message to my husband back home to keep him in the loop about my adventures and knew I was always protected by him as well my ancestors.

The rainforest was completely different in the early morning time. The birds were singing differently. When I reached to the point where I was supposed to do my offering to Pele – I was in trouble, as my bag with all my gift stuff was left in Kona. So I tried to check my bag I had with me with  little coral stones which I carefully hand picked in one of the beaches in Kona in order to make a necklace out of it. I took a handful of these stones and apologized for not having the regular – rum, salt, chocolate, tobacco for her. Pele seemed not to mind and said – I eat anything …;) So there I was doing my offering – humbly bowing down to her and then looked at my stones and understood – how funny that was. Stones mean ancestors in the Hawaiian culture as in many other indigenous cultures. So I literally did my walk with my ancestors and offered my ‘little ancestors’ (my stones) to Pele 😉

The first part of the walk was very nice and fresh. I was just a bit worried about the timing so I partly ran the first part so I would have more time down below.

When the sun started to rise behind the mountain, it was so special – as the sun was peaking out and the fog was all around me. The few bushes or trees were like small ghosts tiptoeing around the lava field. I could even imagine how some menehunes – the ‘little people’ from the Hawaiian legends were peaking behind the trees and curiously watching me on my journey.

I got a bit worried if I am able to see where the next pillar of stones were to show me the path through this mystical landscape. Then I understood that I do not need to see it all, just one step ahead is enough (see the video here). But somehow I managed to get lost and got scared. It took me some time to find the path again and once I got back it was funny. I almost felt that I had a lesson to learn from my ancestors (see the video here).

I have always been the person who loves to have an overview or even control about where I am going and what is ahead of me. I am not really fond of getting lost. But sometimes when you get lost it may be a message for you to find out something else about yourself or that your energy and presence is needed in some other place. 

As I was heading straight forward the messages which came were – that this is who I truly am. I am carrying the courage of my ancestors in my blood and in my action. I am the one who gets up early if needed and listens to the spirit’s or ancestor’s messages and is brave enough to walk through the fog – completely alone – through the dangers of getting lost.

This is a true leader, who dares to try new things, to meet the unknown and later share these experiences or invite others to these expeditions. 

This message made me think of my ancestors. I have not gone very far in my ancestor research, but I have a feeling that maybe some Estonians have travelled to Hawaii as vikings many centuries ago. How is it possible that the Hawaiian language has so many Estonian like words (like – ihu, ahi, punaluu, ehe, kala, kali etc) or maybe we could even say Estonian has many Hawaiian words and some of them even mean the same? How is it I feel so home here?

Maybe my roots have been here during many, many lifetimes, and these ancestors are also helping me to find my true ‘me’ and my lost stories?

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Invisible representative 

What was really funny, was that one of the constellations which I did for me was very unusual. I had to find the representative for me in the room among of 20 people – and I had to say that she was not in the room or if so – invisible. Once I took the ‘invisible coat off her’, she came forward. The issue was that I often times feel I connect to the land and nature, but not directly to the people. Francesca guided me to the story of me being the ‘unplanned child’ which was the reason for that feeling ‘of not being wanted’.

I think in many lifetimes in addition to that I have also been hurt by many people. In my cellular memory there is a ‘code memory’ – saying – ‘people hurt’ – and it is easier not to connect to them as they have been most times trouble. This is something I think most artists have deeply hidden inside and many of us are not willing to face it.

This constellation and another one where my topic was brought to the surface from another angle – showed me how important it is to find our place in our families no matter how crazy they are. This may help us to find our place in life and then connect to people and start to heal our wounds connected to the ‘belonging issues’. When we have found our place it is much easier to love and be loved as we do not have the ‘walls’ around us to push people and love away from us.

Which made me think how most of Americans are immigrants from different countries and have stories connected to this issue, but how many of us know about these or take these seriously and honor it?

I realized how the situation of being an immigrant at the moment for me here in USA  with so many things still in the air really makes me very vulnerable. As an artist deep in my heart – I am used to go wherever I want and when I choose. Now I have to wait for the papers and then will have some regulations how and what I can do. It is a bit challenging, but I know in the long run, it will give me many more opportunities than I have ever had and who knows maybe in the future generations many of my grand kids will have a walk like this – maybe 200 years later and wonder what happened. I will promise that I will do a better job with sharing stories and also leaving behind some legacy on that, so that the stories will live even when I adventure to other realms.

I am so grateful to my ancestors who I know – my dad Raivo, my mom Silvi, my grandmothers Alma, Astra (still alive and 91 years old), great grandmother Natalia and my grandfather Peeter and my uncle Vello and also all who followed me to that lava lake walk as well the ones I do not know by name – but who have assisted me everywhere I have been in this lifetime or another. Somewhere down in the line there has been many artists and writers in my family. Who knows what masterpieces they came up with.

Maybe now they try to channel their new masterpiece through me and all I need to do is to be home to ‘download it’. 

I am also super thankful for my sister Riti as she is a true family to me and carries the gene of entrepreneurship in her too and has supported me through many challenges in life.

I am a better person because of my ancestors and can create a better future for me and all who come after me because I listen to what they have to say. What would our world be like if all of us would do that?

We should all be very grateful for all those who came before us as this is why we are here – to keep telling the stories and walk to the future with them and creating the new ones.;)

I am Crystal Ra Laksmi-Ditton and what I learned from the walk with the ancestors is that they guided me to understand several roots of my insecurity. It can be connected to different cultural wounds as I am from Estonia, which has historically been conquered by so many countries, which has built in us the ‘suspicious nature’ and issues with trust. Maybe that is explaining why at times during my last 20 years I have gone to the other extremes, to places and people who I felt were not right. It was like some kind of ‘inner self destructive program’ was running me and I could not stop it. Who knows, maybe when I felt exhausted and cried for help to get out of it – maybe it was my ancestor or two who heard my prayers and guided some right people and circumstances my way, so I would find my true path again?

Partly all this makes sense – especially why I felt drawn to study social anthropology for the whole 5 years in many different countries  and my favourite part of it was everything to do with stories and mythology or how people connect and co-create together.

Since my studies I have felt that all what I have done and created during my life has been like an invisible ‘bridge builder’ not only between people and nationalities but also continents and maybe even different worlds.

I have now been in a 2 year healing process of many of these past choices and I am learning to live a better and safer life. Consciousness is my best friend as it guides me to the right paths which will guide me to my true home. Whether it is in my favourite place like Hawaii or someone’s heart – like my husband’s Michael – does not really matter. What matters is that I am HOME;) 

Thank you for reading and share with me in the comments if you know how your ancestors have influenced you and your writing adventures?

The last picture is showing also the ancestors via the orbs you see on the picture. Thank you so much. Mahalo.

All the pictures are taken by me, if not stated otherwise.