Where do insecure writers come from?

Is there a planet where they come from?

Is there a country where they come from?

What can be done to have less of them?

In my post today I explore these answers. 

I sometimes feel maybe there is a planet or a specific country for insecure writers. There are so many of us out here. But I know there is no specific country or planet or factory we come from. We come from the insecurity. Insecurity which we were not born with, but which was implanted into us by our circumstances, family, loved ones or the society and our experiences.

During this last year I observed insecurities in myself and in people in places I travelled. I saw some similarities. I will share my findings.

Discoveries in Hawaii

I spent 2 months of my time in Hawaii this last year. It was the most amazing time to stay there this time again. It was my 12th time to visit the Big Island of Hawaii. Out of all the 27 countries I have visited, Hawaii has been the most amazing place where I have ever been. It feels like Heaven on Earth. Most people there have found their life’s passion and live a simple life which they have made working on their terms – less stress, happier bodies and minds – contributing consciously to the world. The island itself is like a magical fairytale, where all the inner children will be invited out to play. We had enough play time, but also some time for deep inner work for myself, as a couple with my partner Michael and with the retreat group we had for 10 days. I realized I am living my dream – also partly because I have managed to become a better friend with my inner child and helped her to heal many of her wounds during this last year.

In Hawaii they have a healing practice called Huna. This operates via three selves – the higher, middle and lower self. The higher is the one which is connected to our intuition and spiritual self; the middle self is connected to the rational and practical self; the lower self is connected to the inner child and the subconscious.

Their point of view is that the main issues with insecurities can come from the lower self – this means – that our inner child is insecure. This means in our childhood we did not get enough love, positivie feedback and encouragement to be who we are or to explore that.

I got very little positive feedback from my family when I grew up even though I had a nice home and the basic needs were met and I was safe and taken care of, but I had the experience that love always had to be earned and that I was not smart and good enough. Now 40 years later I have two higher university degrees, realising I have done it to prove to myself – I am smart and I can do it.  It also presents an opportunity for positive feedback from people like my professors which validates that I am good enough. It took 5 years of my life, but was one necessary step to change these patterns.

Most people’s inner children have inner wounds and have never dealt with it consciously. So we are using at least 90% of our energies to protect our inner child – most of the time unconsciously – for it not to get hurt again. In the huna manifestation process the most important element is the inner child and lower self. If this part is not happy, nothing manifests. So I could say – as writers – if we are insecure and our inner child has not been healed and does not feel safe and secure – we can not manifest our books as writers as well. We will forever be writing into the drawers and read them out loud to ourselves. No one gains from that and we will still be unhappy writers writing letters to ourselves.

What is the recipy we get from this?

I think this coming year of 2017 is said to be the year full of new beginnings and adventures. I suggest for all of us to reconnect with our inner child. Go out and in the sand – build a sand castle and let it be washed away by the waves. Just for fun! Make sand cakes and do it just for fun. No purpose. Just to be happy and in the moment.

The inner child brings us to the present moment. 

One thing I noticed during the Palm Springs visit this Christmas in United States is that many people do not live in the NOW or in the present. They live in the past or future – which brings along a lot of sadness, fear and other negative emotions. When they do that – there is no one home in the present – and to receive the ‘present’ what the present moment is.

If we are in the now and the present moment – we are grateful for all the little things we have in our life – a little flower in the vase, the bird who just flew by, a partner who we can hug and kiss and make love and share experiences with, or the beautiful place we stay and lovely people who surround us. 

We do not put too much energy into the stuff or people we lost or do not have, or stuff we can not have as the future may not always look bright. But it is all about what we choose NOW. Without the NOW there will be no future and soon also no past. 

One amazing way to get into the present moment to connect with the inner child are the dolphins. When I swam with the wild dolphins – the rest of the world disappeared for me. All there was – was the present moment. They showed me how to play with the leaves in the water – how to jump out of joy and how to make fun circles in the water, how to blow the bubbles.

I invite my inner child to play with the words NOW. If you reverse the words here – NOW will turn to WON – which means – if you live in the now – you have already won a jackpot of the ‘present of being in the now’. This knowing helped me a lot when I got into a fearful mindset about something during the the travelling. I pulled myself into the NOW=WON mentality.

It is remarkable that it comes out not as – WIN – but WON – that means that if you are in the now, you already have won! 😉

Try it out during this new year and see how it makes a difference for you and your loved ones. Let this year be the gathering of the good moments of the now. If you want to make even more playful and beautiful – write something good what happens in your NOW to a post card and send it to yourself now and then. Or what is even better is that you can send that observation to someone else you love. This way you multiply the good feeling and who knows maybe that something you share with someone you love will heal a bit of their inner child and will help to dissolve the insecurity they have inside. 

Maybe all we need is a little bit of attention, play and love to be shared and received in order to heal more of our inner child. Maybe our inner child has the keys to the inner treasure boxes, cells or temples, where there are thousands of diamonds hidden into the words and the ways you masterfully put them together. Maybe all this can be activated by the play – doing something without a real purpose or end result.

Just being in the NOW, we will not only win the present for now, but also for the future as well for the future generations to come.

If you are too scared to play alone with your inner child, invite some other adults to play with you as most of us are overworking and using too much of the left side of the brain or what is even better is to find someone’s children and take them out and play with them. Then you have the right and validation to play. I have for a long time said that there is a need for the ‘kindergarten for adults.’

Once our inner child is healed even a bit more, we can continue working with the three selves and start to manifest bigger while including the middle and higher self. But I will tell more about these parts during the next month.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year and wish that you have loads of opportunities to play this year and out of that play your new masterpiece will be born. Let it be this year!

Please tell me how you have been taken care of your inner child in 2016 and what do you plan to do with him or her in 2017?

I played a lot with my inner child this last year – in the sun, in the ocean, surfing, sailing, free diving, swimming with wild dolphins, adventures in the rain forest, on the lava, in the caves as well  in my inner landscapes. My inner child has laughed a lot, cried quite a bit too, but these were the tears of release, the inner oceans.

Throughout the year my inner child felt more secure and safe as I had my king beside me who made her feel good and helped to heal many wounds. This seemed to work for me – to have a conscious partner, who sometimes healed me by just his masculine presence – by holding space for me. I wish more women would experience this – to feel that they are cared for and loved for who they are.

If that man is not around, they can contact their inner man and ask him to heal and hold. I did not only ask for that from my inner man for years, but I also helped my inner man and woman to get married to each other this past year. This made my inner child also feel better as now she has the parents who are officially there for her no matter what happens. Marrying myself has been one of the biggest gifts of the year 2016 and my whole life and the best investment ever and will be remembered forever. What also fun about it was that because I was so bold about it, I became the instant cover girl to the local newspaper in Estonia – making history with my story. My inner child was happy. Insecurity went out of the window right there. This year we made a pact together – we will work with my book and publish it within this year. This is her present to me from being in the present which I receive with my humble presence.

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We have now more than 300 days ahead of us this year – this makes more than 300 new conscious choices every day – every moment – every present moment – so it makes more than 300 presents!!! Make every day count by your conscious choice! Every conscious choice creates the life of your dreams. The life where you wake up, love what and who you see around you and can not wait to go out there to create and share what you are here to create and share.

If you do it with the courage of your heart and listening to your intuition every step of the way – you will get to your blissful life where every moment counts and creates your dreams.

I am Crystal Ra Laksmi. A true travelling mermaid by nature. At first I picked travelling as a way to get to know the world and its cultures. Now travelling many times picks me so I could get to know more of who I am and I am not and share my knowledge and skills, talents and energy with those who need it. This last year took me to Mexico, Alaska, New York, Estonia, California, Hawaii and Palms Springs.

By meeting new people and going to new places I am facing different facets and particles of myself in the whilrwind of the possibilities of this crazy world.

I keep myself in balance with honoring my rituals to the ocean and selflove and care as well creating value and possibilities for those less fortunate or  who are still prisoners of their  own minds.

The world is our haven – but only when we believe so. It takes care of us, if we take care of us and together we can create the most amazing fairytales on this Earth. I am creating mine and it just turns more exciting with every day which goes by. Stay tuned to read more and if you feel like adventuring with me would be fun, let me know! Mexico and Hawaii await again!

 This post is written for the ISWG group. Read more about them here: