I am really stepping into the power of being my own self and giving the voice to all of my talents. Recently I have really learned how to own the saying ‘I am a water expert as a Wantra therapist’ as I have for now worked in the water for almost 7 years.
With the writing it is a different thing. I am more of a creative writer. My mind flows and is very creative and I am not so fond of regulations and rules – like the grammar. I know all my posts should be edited by a native speaker, but some even have said that they like the twist in things and would not like me to change it, especially if they hear me reading it out loud as they love my Estonian accent. But all in all I think my English is pretty good and thanks mostly to living abroad by now for almost 15 years and studying in international universities for 5 years.
I wanted to really go deeper and figure out where the insecurities as the writer are rooted in me, so I mapped them and what I can do to really let these go and unlock them. Here is my roadmap. I hope it can also help you.
1. I figured these are rooted a bit in the childhood.
I was really eager to read what I had been writing since I was a little girl and if I had no one to cheer me up and give me feedback, I felt very down, for days. In general I did not get too much of direct positive feedback and that was very essential. I understand now that it was one way for me to ‘earn love’ and that was what I expected after I had read my piece.
Later in life I have been very sensitive to feedback and the critics. Being part of the writers group in La Cruz, has certainly helped me, as the feedback was not personal, but related to what I wrote. As I have said before – Estonians usually give feedback only if it is a bad thing. So when you grow up with that, you develop something like a deficit of positive feedback. I understood at some point in my life, that I can not just expect that from people. So I did something called a ‘feedback detachment project’. I was so successful with that, but even after years, when someone said something positive – I was surprised and wondered why they said that. I was so fine without.
2. I understood it was also rooted in self-love
My self-love used to be super weak. During the last months I have really worked on this and even made a Self-love Facebook checklist group, where by the end of the week everyone can check in with their self-love lists and check in how well did they do during the last week and cheer each other up.
In order for me even to detach from other’s feedback I started to give positive feedback to myself. If I did something good or wrote something good, I patted my shoulder and said: ‘Good job Crystal’. That felt really good. After I did that for 30 days, I got used to it, and it really helped not to be attached to other’s opinions that much.
Self-love is super important too – I first imagined it like my inner dog. Somehow it really worked and it was even funny. So I started to take my inner self-love puppy to walks, to kayaking, to swim on the beach and so on. I taught her how to roll over and do all kinds of tricks. What was really amazing was that my self-confidence got so much stronger as I truly believe what you do in your inner world – reflects outside. Self-confidence is completely connected to the self-love and one is building on the other. They are actually dependent on each other. My self-love puppy got very weak if I did not do my things on my list – like she was fasting. So now I have my regular self-love checklist – to go to kayak weekly, swim in the ocean, surf, do my aerial silks – as a way to say I love you to my body and go to my weekly Alanon meeting to say I love you to my mind and spirit and to meditate in quiet or writing to feed my higher self. It all really works magic. Needless to say my self-love puppy is well fed and happy most of the time and wigging her tale.
3. No deadline and too much time
It is funny how I function – if I have no deadline – I just do not work with some things. When I have too much time, I am not very organized. I am just all over the place. When I am organized and have many things going on – funny enough – I get so much more done and I am never lazy or create crap. So now maybe it is about time to put a deadline to work with my book manuscripts and then stick to it and even announce publicly so it has more power as well accountability? I will finish my master list in the coming weeks with everything urgent to be done before I leave Mexico again and then make a master plan for this with the deadline which seems doable.
I sabotage myself not to write or not to share it more publicly as then I would become more successful and also get more money and then things may get too easy. It sounds funny, but I think it is true. I would love to live in more luxury and ease, but I really have to eliminate the old patterns of believing that the hard way is the most rewarding way. Why? Because I am used to this. I also understood that if I share my writing more all over – I need to be more vulnerable to receive all the feedback and I can be criticized that I am not good enough. So in order not to feel that discomfort – I better not get too much out there, so I can keep myself in my comfy simple cave… Not any more. Bring it on! I think in order to change something one needs to really become conscious of the non functioning habit or behavior. I am glad I understood this one here. How many of us do this automatically without giving extra thoughts to it?
5. Safety writing buddy
Over the last year I have worked with someone very closely about my writing. I call him my ‘safety buddy’ as I can throw out my crazy ideas and then he gives me feedback what he experiences. That makes me feel good as he is not too harsh on me and the way he gives the feedback is very friendly. So that encourages me to keep going. I think it is very important for us insecure writers, to have someone like that, as it really helps to transform us and get more out there. My ‘safety buddy’ is Michael Ditton, who just recently launched his book ‘Dreams, Goals and Adventure’ and you can read more about this here:
6. More technology and systems to support my writing and me
Recently I found someone doing a 3 weeks course online with a sliding scale payment options from 10 dollars to 40 dollars. More than 15,411 people have taken the course (Break the Grip of Past Lovers ) which has made her at least 100 000 dollars if not more. How cool? So what is stopping me to set something like that up? Laziness of course. I have so much material and a whole 12 months online course to be translated into English, which could possibly bring me in from 10 000 dollars or more per month and give more freedom to make choices so I can share more of what I can and do here in the world. I have had this course working for me in Estonian since 2013 and has been the resource of my main income while I live location free and manage my business wherever I am in the world. So I have to really pull myself together and bring it on to the new level – upgrade and expand – so I can also do it globally.
I hope these 6 keys gave you some good inspiration how to map where the insecurities can be rooted and that my examples give you some ideas how to deal with yours. Please share with me any thoughts about the topic. Thank you for your time!
More info abut me and my journeys and adventures you can find here:
Read more regular stories form my blog here: www.crystalralaksmi.com/blog
This post is written for the ISWG group. Read more about them here:
If you want to inspire yourself as a writer and download a lot of inspiration from the Hawaiian nature adventure as well boost your self confidence, sing up for my Hawaii retreat in November this year! Only 4 spots left! Read more here: