ISWG – March – The hidden key to the roots of the insecurity

This post is written for the ISWG group. Read more about them here: 

This month was for me like a research project. I will answer my question: Where can we find the roots to the insecurity?


I am always living in the question. Recently I have asked my spirit to guide me to new techniques and knowledge, which would help me to become the greatest version of me.

Recently I have got a lot of information about brain research. I work as a water therapist and as an energy healer most of the time and I have noticed that whatever I do to people, does not really matter, if I am not getting access to their main hard disk – which for me is the brain.

From the scientific point of view our brain is like a computer with different sections and departments, each having different tasks. The two main areas are the conscious part and the second one is the unconscious one – like two polarities. In between there is a bridge with a gatekeeper who is controlling that we would not step out of the box and our comfort zone – like a careful parent. I think that is the part where our insecurity also resides. The scientists claim that this part is the connection to our reptilian brain. This part of us is actually holding us back.

Even though most people think that our conscious mind is the main operating manager, the truth is that many of our processes are always going through the subconscious check point first and foremost. For example it is said that we are only making maybe 2-4% of the choices by the conscious mind, and the rest is done by the subconscious and happens mostly on autopilot. No wonder that many people are struggling to get things done or manifest their dream lives.

Your subconscious is shaped by what you have heard, experienced and accumulated from your outer world and surroundings – starting with your childhood memories, experiences as well everything you have seen on TV, radio and computer games, finishing up with the advertisement and newspapers. When we start to understand that our thoughts create us and our life, we start to really change in every possible way.

When we think powerful and positive thoughts, our thoughts move faster and actually create chemical reactions in us which boost our immune system and support all of our body and organs. If we think negatively, our thought process is slower and has lower frequencies. This creates stress, which creates cortisol in our brain, which is a stress hormone, which can weaken our immune system and even make us gain weight. So the key to lose weight for women is to have a positive self image and feed it with your positive and loving thoughts about yourself.

Most people think 60 000 thoughts per day. All these thoughts feed our subconscious. It is like water and food for the subconscious. If we are not conscious about our thoughts, we create CRAP in our life where we also create bad emotions. Most of our outside world is bombarding us with negative impulses, plus the storage we have in our subconscious with all the negative memories – makes quite a collection of negativity as a building material. Your emotions are actually born from your thoughts or reactions to what you see.

If you look around in your life and you love what you see, you can pat on your shoulder as you have been thinking good and conscious thoughts. If what you see is not satisfying you – you really need to reset your main computer and change your thoughts!

Our brain has many neuro pathways where our neurons move around. Most people study and develop new pathways from birth till they are about 20 years old. After that we just walk on the same streets, the same way till we die – unless we change and continue to study and consciously work on our habits and patterns.

In order to get out of the box, the same old same, we need to firstly start to work with our unconscious parts of our brain – where the subconscious is and secondly the conscious part of the brain. In between those two there is a bridge where we have the ‘gatekeeper’ standing.

It almost feels like it is a living being who is checking that we do not do something too crazy or scary. It remembers all the negative stuff and reminds us every time we start to move out of our comfort zone. Its purpose is to keep us alive and survive.
I think I have worn this little gatekeeper completely out in my life. Not only have I jumped off the bridge to do my bungee jump as the longest bungee jump in the world, but also free dove to 23 meters (60 feet) with no other equipment other than my lungs full of air and my mask covering my face, to climb underground caves,  walk on freshly born lava or travelled to dangerous places and met with crazy people, witnessing someone being even kidnapped etc.

I understood at the time that I was actually drama dependent as this created chemical reaction in me – which made me feel alive. From that a lot of inspiration came for my writing as well my motivation to change. But all in all the main trigger behind it all has been the insecurity.

That came with me like a faithful friend from my childhood, when I felt I was torn apart when my parents divorced when I was 6 years old. Both of my parents were alcoholics, so insecurity was all I had with them every day 100%. One of these times they left me and my sister home alone. They locked the doors.

After some time we wanted to go out and jumped out of the windows off the second floor apartment. Jumping out of that window did not give me wings, but it gave me the knowing that it gives me adrenaline and adventure. I guess I was such a rebel already at the early age. We ended up at our father’s friend’s place first and we were pampered so well with good food and care. I learned that after all that pain I can be rewarded with some kindness, love and pleasure. Almost like I had to earn it. This is the old pathway in my brain, which was running me and my life for almost 40 years. It is about time to break that pattern and create a life of security – even if that is an illusion, as every day is a risk to be alive. Now I know I have a choice how to live it. I choose to live it with confidence!

When I went back on my timeline – I noticed that one of the most secure and safe times happened when I had a year in my business where I earned 100 000 dollars. It is kind of bizarre to think that money – which is basically just a piece of paper – gives us a feeling of security. Because it is the currency of this planet at the moment and you can buy everything with it.

For me it was the first time in my life to manage so huge amounts of money and I did not have the needed knowhow to keep it and grow it and in that case I ended up in my insecure safety net again.

This year I have made a decision that I will move out of it for good. I am tired of being small, and playing small.

I know that what I have to say and how I say it – counts. It can not only change people and their minds, but also inspire them to make the steps in order to transform their lives into their wildest dreams.

I have now started to train my brain and my subconscious. This means that I am on the watch at all times.

What do I think about and how?

What is it I say and how?

What do I say to myself about myself?

What is it I write about?

How does my self image look like?

Can my words enlighten this world to become better and different or are my words bringing a despair horror to people?

I will have a meeting with my inner gatekeeper and give him a new map to my new royal life where I will build new roads inside my brain for my neurons not only to walk but bicycle as well drive with fast cars. I will take care of my gatekeeper – maybe prepare some sandwiches and deliver a cake or something and have a talk story night and listen to all what she needs to say.

I am completely sure that this is my year to step up to the captain seat in the cockpit where I am running the show in cooperation with my conscious and subconscious mind.

This means I am opened to the rational mind’s input as my map but I am also opened to my intuition and the invisible info and signs. This must be the marriage made in heaven. Insecurity will move out for good and security and confidence moves in not only for a year or two – but for forever!

They will rebuild that one room where my insecurity lived into a royal palace, where everyone else inside and outside can come and dance in.

This is the year when I will put together one of my first books and I am not only interested to make it happen, but I will commit. All of you will be my accountability partners. Thank you!

Because it is finally time to celebrate. My inner independence. When I am becoming a good friend with my gatekeeper – my bridge is opened at all times and the two way street system will be implemented. My life will turn easier, more flowing and give me all what I ask for and need and beyond. Because my universe loves to surprise me and dance with me and keep me on my toes or sometimes tickle my toes.

I am Crystal Ra Laksmi. A worldtraveller by nature, but also a healer, business woman and a scientist. Human nature is something of the most interest for me. How we are, communicate and co-create. How we get lost in our hidden shadows. How we may become happy and grow wings. How we are able to turn our dramas into fairytales. I am here to witness and share it all and with these mermaid sprinkles make this world a little bit better place to be…


Share with me your experiences with your brain? Are you aware how your brain functions? Are you training it consciously? Is your life what you dream about? If not – what needs to be changed in your brain? 

If you love what you read and you would love to join me for our adventure tour with my partner Michael Ditton in Hawaii this winter, please read more here:

In Hawaii we do not only adventure and activate and reset you and your brain, we will implement and practise many of the Hawaiian healing technique tools, which will help you to make these changes more permanent in your life the way it works for you. There is no other classroom as it is in the Hawaiian nature as well the ocean. Everything and everyone contributes for your highest version to be reborn. Let us be your guides!

Contact me here.


4 thoughts on “ISWG – March – The hidden key to the roots of the insecurity

  1. Thanks for such encouraging words! Sometimes I feel like my own thoughts are overwhelming! So much I think about and what I choose to express can be different, either to protect others or protect myself.

    • Yes. Our own words also create our realities. Sometimes it makes me scared just to think about that…;)

  2. What you spend your time thinking about is the direction your energy flows. So if you think about money a lot, your energy flows that way. But if you *worry* about money, you’re going to create lack because your energy is negative. This is why I keep a gratitude blog–to keep my mind focused on the positive so I can have positive energy. It’s not always easy, and of course I’m still negative sometimes, but it helps.

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