I wrote couple of articles about the free love some years ago in the Estonian media, as well as about tantra, but these did not get much of a feedback then.
Anthropologists’ target should be to focus on topics which are relevant in the society, and as soon as I saw this article, I thought it is time again to talk about this topic in public.
The story is up in The Independent (18th of August, 2013) ‘Monogamy is outdated, according to controversial BBC investigation’. Read it before you read my comment to it.
My comments about the story
In 2008 I visited Zegg eco village, where they practise free love and polygamous relations in East Germany.
In this village they have a ‘love house’ and they have ‘flirting parties’ there. In that house they have different rooms, where people can do what their spirits and bodies would love to do. The main target for the village has been to unite the spirituality and sexuality. Whether they have accomplished that or not I would let others to decide.
As I have studied anthropology, we had to read loads of stories in our curriculum about the cultural examples about different cultures and some of it was also about polygamy, where this is more of a practical key how to make the everyday life work sustainably.
For example in Tibet, where most of the men are out in the mountains with the cattle part of the time. In some of the villages they have agreements, where men are divided and some of them are up in the mountains and the others take care of the women and children in the village. One woman may have two or three men. When the child is born, it is not important, who is the father of the child as they will take care of all the children equally.
When I started to discover this topic on my own, I got loads of judgments from other people (most of them were in conventional relationships and judged me exploring it as being a hooker). During this journey I got into total conflict with myself till I travelled to Hawaii to visit a local healer.
He saw this as actually part of my bigger mission – to activate people like that – to be in relation with many several people at the same time while being in the flow. One after the other I noticed the pattern. I got to know a new man, we started dating. After some short period of time we had to break up and right after that they found their perfect long term partner. It happened over and over again.
My question to him was: ‘Why is it so
difficult for me to find one long term partner?’
He asked me: ‘Do you need him this way?
Maybe you are a natural poly person?’
On top of that I discovered I am bisexual as well. So I tried to put together all the different parts. I had the possibility to live together with an amazing man and a woman for one month in Hawaii. This was the most functional and happy time in my life. We had a total trust, care and honesty. The practical life was much easier and nicer, because we had a total team work and cooperation happening at all times.
The key for this cohabitation was this: we had very similar world views, we were all very conscious and sexually healthy and emotionally balanced people. We knew it would be just this one month, but I did not experience any jealousy at that time, drama or cheating at all.
Jealousy has roots in the uncertainty and self value. If one is certain in him or herself and the self value is in place, there is no possibility for jealousy. This is just my viewpoint.
This experience encouraged me, that this is not only utopia, but a real possible reality, if I choose so. I think myself that it is very natural to be both with the woman as the man as it may balance the woman nicely. It may not be suitable for everyone, but it is a possible choice.
During my world travel I have actually met many of these very opened and expansive couples and people. It was a relief to know that there is nothing wrong with me and there are more of us out there in the world. We are looking for each other, maybe one day to create communities where we could live and co-habitat together. No this is not just hippie time coming back again. It is a conscious choice and creation.
Then I thought that maybe the idea of going deeply into a relation shift with one person is just an utopia as I have imagined, or some kind of implant which has been put into us by religions and systems or is it something else?
One is for sure, the utopia of monogamy (the old version, where you can not be with others sexually) keeps many people in boxes and frames. But may work for some.
Take for example honesty. Watch some soap operas and bring in some real honesty. The whole idea of a soap opera disappears. Drama disappears. When two people who are in the relationship fall in love into an external person, it does not mean, that you should leave one and hide the other one. Where have we got with this hiding?
I loved how they handled this topic in the movie ‘The Great Gatsby’. Everyone cheated on everyone, basically publicly and when they all got to the point to act according to the heart, it was all about the drama and the ownership waves hit over the head, which created even more drama.
My vision and sense is that monogamy may disappear even faster than 10 years. We expand in our spirit and body faster than we could think. In this expansion, we start to live a life without fear, where we do not have rules, have only the agreements and an opened communication. People could use the 4 V system, which would build a foundation to the sustainable harmony and balance on all levels in our life. (If you would love to get this system, register your name to the list on my news list on my webpage’s first page).
Everyone will of course choose which kind of relationship suits them. It is important to be tolerant. If someone chooses something conventional and it makes them happy, then why not and if not, let them be in peace and live their life too?
The biggest key to change the world is actually ECSTASY AND HAPPINESS. How we get there, it is up to the choices. If these choices are done in consciousness, balance and honesty towards yourself and others, done with care, from your heart, it can be the main key to create the butterfly effect and activate it in the whole world.
Maybe it is about time, where we have to become Winnie Poohs in our relation shifts as well, where we would not choose this or that, but choose both!
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Does this article resonate with you? Please share it with your friends and leave your comment!
Please share with me your thoughts, experiences about monogamy and polygamy!
How do you sense the future ‘relationship model’ develops?
What kind of relationship model works for you right now?
When it works, why?
Thank you!
Picture of the Winnie Pooh from blogs.indiewire.com
